


the things i'd do for you (if you were mine)

by fullsunhaeyadwae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, CHOKING???, Childhood Friends, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I tried again, Idiots in Love, Lack of Communication, Lots of Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), They're both whipped for each other, Timeline What Timeline, but in a veeery religious and humorous way, heartbreak?? idk lol, i keep messing this shit up, iluvher, its messy, kind of?, my sister did me a favor, oblivious!markhyuck, sappy as shit, seriously, seriously this sucks, this fic screams stupidity, when i said oblivious theyre really not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24092362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsunhaeyadwae/pseuds/fullsunhaeyadwae
Summary: It happened on a cold breezy night and while the stars were above them, Donghyuck was trying to make Mark fall for him.Or, they try to keep the pining all by themselves until one of them snapped.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 28





	the things i'd do for you (if you were mine)

**Author's Note:**

> yooooo, i am back with a rather weird long ass fic about boys making each other feel sad. i miss writing bullshit. forgive me tho for I was too locked up in my house to not write something. also, this fic has been living in my drafts for over a year, quarantine got me feeling like I should be working on improving my writing (sounded so weird). but anyways!! thank you, jewel, for convincing me to post this and for being my beta lovelots. enjoy ;)

The weather outside Mark’s balcony is quiet, calm as the sea and the sky too was so vast it almost seemed as if it was endless, like a painting. It was indeed a pretty landscape cascading in all its glory. But, Donghyuck didn’t seem too interested in it, in fact, he was satisfied just having the time of his life staring at the beauty that is Mark Lee. Donghyuck stared at his best friend and It’d be a big fat lie if Donghyuck called the boy a weak ass loser because he’s not any of that. Donghyuck wondered if best friends treat each other like the way Mark treats him. Everything that’s been happening between them feels so right that both of them don’t realize it’s wrong. So wrong on all levels, both mentally and physically wrong.

“So, what you been up to so far?” Mark started the conversation, and Donghyuck, for the 3rd time now, have never felt so captivated, the boy was everything he had ever dreamed of but judging from how Mark reacts stupidly whenever he opens up about his current relationship with Donghyuck, it’s never going to work for them, and if it does, it won’t.

“Well, I’ve been doing fine actually, but I never really had the chance to feel completely relaxed because midterms are almost there and I have to study hard, you know, family requirements.” They both chuckled at that, Donghyuck hearing the most adorable laugh he had ever heard in his entire life.

“ _ How is it possible that even the small noises he makes sound cute.” _ Donghyuck thought as he smiled while still staring ever so dearly at Mark.

“You know, having the chance to see you even if it’s just once a week is enough for me to feel new again.” And Donghyuck also forgot that being stupidly sweet is one of Mark’s expertise and he can’t stop falling for it over and over again.

“Stop being so sweet all of a sudden, I’m not that easy to please. Also, it hurts to think that you still don’t consider our relationship as me offering my everything to you.” Both of the boys went silent again as soon as Donghyuck opened the topic. It was an ear-deafening silence and both of them can’t find the right words to start again.

_ “Now, what on earth did I just say? I shouldn’t have done that! Stupid, stupid, stupid Donghyuck!” _

It’s always like this, they meet each other for school purposes but end up talking about their relationship and asking each other random facts about themselves that will soon become a part of the air. It was always quiet between the both of them but they're more than assured of each of their presence and besides, sharing each other’s warmth isn’t all that bad, in fact, it's too good that sometimes Mark gets too greedy and they end up with a bunch of cuddles and sly kisses.

“Well, since you opened it, would you like to talk about it?” Both froze as soon as Mark started speaking, it was pretty much expected for him to respond like that. Donghyuck didn’t even bother changing the topic but now, he felt his guts turn upside down because Mark can't just say that like everything that's been happening between them is not complicated enough. But really, it was just him overreacting and it’s not a good sign at all, especially at this time.

“Mark, while we were being silent a while ago, did it ever occur to you that I was joking?” Donghyuck attempted to end the conversation as much as possible so that he could get out of there, although the view was nice and all but escaping there suddenly became his only priority. “Hyuck, don’t be like this, I know you don’t like talking about it, but somehow we have to, right?” Before Donghyuck could even get out of there, Mark already had his firm grip on Donghyuck’s thin wrists. He stared at his own hands realizing that the result of the recurring sleepless nights leads to his wrist looking like  _ that _ , like rotten leaves about to fall on its roots.

“I can’t today, Mark, I have a lot to think about, and don’t you think you’re the same too? We both know it won’t work especially for you.” Mark's eyes narrowed at the words Donghyuck spoke. Mark opens his mouth then closes it again, wearing that stupid and confused look that Donghyuck has grown to adore for the past years. Pursing his lips and finally finding the words to say, Mark looked at Donghyuck with a seriousness that the latter knew won’t be easy to get out with now. “Excuse me but, what did you just say?”

“What? Come on Mark, you may think you’re so slick in hiding but sadly Lucas will never come back for you just because you miss him and if he does, then good for both of you. Because okay, it’s been I-don’t-want-to-count years! You think he still feels the same?” Donghyuck felt scared at how offending his tone came out but he couldn’t care less as of now.

And at last, Mark sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head bob as he looked down while his shoulders drooped. For a second, Donghyuck felt like apologizing because he hasn’t seen Mark look so tired but somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to actually feel pity towards his friend, just because it was all too much.

“You think so? Well, I guess there’s no helping it, you know? Since I also didn’t know that you were hurting too much to ask me if I feel the same as you, huh? Hmm, so that settles it, right?” Donghyuck’s head was spinning and he’s so lost, he didn’t even know how or what to respond. What was Mark talking about? Is he talking about the times they had sex? “Didn’t you say you were leaving?” Donghyuck was cut off with his thoughts when he heard Mark’s voice again.

“Uh, yeah, I will be leaving now. Th-thank you for accompanying me until now. Bye, I guess.” Donghyuck was still trying to figure what Mark just said and he was too prideful to ask his best friend, so now he has to solve this by himself. Great. The last thing Donghyuck saw from Mark was the little wave and a cold gaze that sent shivers down Donghyuck's spine as he turned his back on him.

✿ ❀ ✿

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuuuuuuck.

Donghyuck slowly palmed his face out of frustration. Why wasn’t he able to realize this a while ago? Was Mark serious about it though? It was too disorganized, he could’ve said it as if he really meant it but he said it so half-assed and it had Donghyuck crying in his bed while regretting his choices in life.

So, what Donghyuck is assuming for now is that Mark was trying to confess to him, he was trying to make Donghyuck get the clue faster, Mark wanted him to finish his answer. Fuck it all because Donghyuck thinks Mark likes him. “Hmm, then what about Lucas? Judging from Mark’s story it almost looked like Lucas was dead to him…Or is he?” Donghyuck slapped his mouth after blurting something that would definitely go down to hell. “Oh my god, I’m a horrible, horrible person. How could I say that?" Still, he’s thinking of fixing what he’d done as soon as possible.

Mark met Lucas when they were still in high school, they started as friends. Lucas was a great friend, too great that he even befriended Donghyuck who was trying his best not to get involved with anything that relates to Lucas himself. Donghyuck doesn't know all the details because Mark likes to keep his love life a secret and Donghyuck has no problem with that since privacy is never not present even in friendships. But, the point is, ever since the moment they reached puberty, Donghyuck has never once considered Mark as a friend because he was busy getting rid of the growing feelings he had and still has on Mark

So, when he found out Lucas and Mark got together, it was like something big and heavy came running into his head just to tell him that he no longer has any reason to keep going. But then, of course, good things don't last for people that Donghyuck has put curses on. Lucas and Mark broke up after almost a whole year just because Lucas had to go abroad to pursue his dream and Mark thought breaking up was better than a long-distance relationship but Donghyuck knows Mark is too reasonable for that pathetic excuse. It's just that Mark is too secretive for his own good so he often gets into a lot of trouble with his friends.

Donghyuck rolled on his bed, getting tangled with his blanket but ignored it and continued on staring at the ceiling.

“My ceiling had always been white?”

“Didn’t I paint it back to white a year ago?”

“Does he really mean it?”

“But why me? He could have picked anyone and I would still be happy for him.”

“It’s not like I’m rejecting him or whatever though, I’m just too scared probably, but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that he should’ve picked a more decent looking person!” As Donghyuck exclaimed that, he stood up from his bed and walked out of his bedroom. Even though the sky’s getting darker and the wind’s getting colder he still decided that fixing this would be the best option for both of them and Mark better be ready for what’s about to come to him any minute now.

✿ ❀ ✿

Okay, so maybe Donghyuck thought too much about everything because the minute he stepped into Mark’s house, he saw the boy crying and weeping like a newborn baby who just had the saltiest spank of his months-old life. But, Donghyuck put all his thoughts aside and ran to Mark who seemed as though he’s still in his own headspace to notice his friend’s presence.

“Hey, I’m here, why are you crying? Did something happen? Was your mom kidnapped or something? Tell me and stop bitching because I’m about to freak out here!” Donghyuck didn’t mean to shout, but he was thinking he could be the reason why Mark was crying and he started feeling overwhelmed because anything could happen but who knows maybe Mark wasn’t all that “balls deep in love” with him and he’s just being delusional.

Finally, Mark turned to see his friend who looked like it was his first time seeing someone cry so loud, “Oh, Hyuck? I thought you had things to do? And no, no one got kidnapped or killed and I’m not crying, my eyes were just—” he paused for a bit to wipe some stray tears and smiled at Donghyuck, very awkward for Donghyuck to actually believe what Mark’s about to say as an excuse, “…sweaty?”

_ “No, but seriously, who the fuck uses an excuse like that?” _ Donghyuck frowned at his best friend and softly hit the back of his head hoping to knock some senses into him.

“Get a grip of yourself, man. I’m not here to watch you go around in circles.” Donghyuck stood up from his nerve-racking position and looked down at Mark who was also looking up to him.

“Stand up quickly and tell me what happened. I, too, have something to tell you.” He saw Mark swiping his tongue between his lips before standing up to sit at his couch.

“Well, it’s really nothing though. Uh—it’s just that…” He looked away from Donghyuck’s piercing gaze, “This particular anime…they just happened to kill one of my favorite characters so…” Donghyuck felt his blood temperature rising, asking himself how did he fall for someone like Mark Lee, again.

“Are you fucking serious right now? I was about to call the goddamn cops! Thank God I didn’t because I would be asking them how to revive a fucking 2D character.” Donghyuck massaged his temples and sat down beside Mark, keeping a distance from him since he’s still pissed for worrying over nothing.

“Well, I was minding my own business in the first place when you came barging inside my house! And don’t ever insult them like that again or you’ll get a beating!” Mark seems to be looking fine as he spat those words at Donghyuck, which made him feel kind of relieved.

“Yeah? I’m sorry to say this to a weeb like you but they aren’t real! Hell, kill them and then draw them again, I don’t care but apparently, you do but then who cares!” Mark visibly gasped at that and put one hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt (well he was really hurt though) and Donghyuck just poked out his tongue, provoking his best friend.

“Get the fuck out of my house, you normie!”

“Don’t you dare use that nickname to me you fucking weeb!”

“Well, stop disrespecting my hobby then!”

“For the record, they won’t even feel thankful enough for what you’re doing for them so better throw them off your life!”

Mark took a deep breath as if he had enough of the insults his best friend’s throwing at him, "Let’s just stop, I know that already so can you just go straight with what you came here for? I’m really pissed at you right now, of all people.” And that led to Donghyuck being unable to utter a word.

He stared at Mark for a bit, studying the latter’s face from his eyes, lips, eyebrows, and back to lips again. Donghyuck could tell he’s still pissed at him, but he didn’t care because Mark looks the best when he’s angry. “Oh, yeah about that…”

Holy shit. He doesn’t know what to say, now that he’s in front of Mark, his tongue doesn’t want to say anything and he’s freaking out. He can’t just go straight to the point and say, “Oh hey Mark, just stopped by to say I love you too and have been for years now, okay goodbye and may God bless you then.” because he knows better and that means their relationship would end right there if he said that, he somehow has to set the mood first.

“Earth to Donghyuck? Dude, spill it out, I’m still watching were you not able to pick up the clue, or are you just plain dumb?”

“Please shut up, I'm trying to find the right words.” It was all instinct when he said that because he was too nervous to take all of this seriously, and he’s hoping Mark would get where he’s heading with the conversation and help him go through it.

“Okay, Mark. I have to tell you this or I won’t go to heaven.” He turned to Mark who looked like he’s about to burst from keeping his laughter to himself. “What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that no matter what you tell me,” Mark stopped to find his words because he can’t stop snickering, “…there’s no way you’re going to heaven.” And if that didn’t trigger Donghyuck’s ‘Kill Command’ button then what’s the point of him choking Mark to the couch until he’s catching his breath.

“Mind if you repeat that again for me? Because I didn’t quite hear from you a while ago. So?” Donghyuck loosened his grip on Mark’s neck to let him speak but the latter just kept on laughing, giving Donghyuck access to witness a satisfying view. Even at times like this, where they’re not even doing anything besides goofing around, Mark’s still able to turn Donghyuck’s heart around and willingly do a full-fledged backflip.

As Mark continues to laugh, Donghyuck can’t help but crack a small smile too. God, Mark’s going to be the death of Donghyuck’s bloodline. He stopped from staring and didn’t think at all when he closed the distance between them. Feeling the nostalgic taste of his best friend’s lips and he can’t get enough, he wanted more from the boy. He wants to take and take until he’s left with everything Mark has. It really has been a while since they kissed because he felt Mark relaxing in his hold and just letting Donghyuck lead him. They’ve done things more than kissing but somehow, the kiss had Donghyuck feeling more mushy than usual.

After a few seconds, Donghyuck broke apart from Mark who was looking at him with nothing but anticipating eyes, but Donghyuck leaned back, already feeling drained. He was kind of regretting what he did because the feeling he received isn’t what he was expecting, it was rather sad and served as a sudden realization for both of them. What if Mark didn’t really mean what he said?

“Hey, I’m gonna go now. Sorry for coming here so late just to do…that.” Donghyuck stood up, not giving Mark any access to see what kind of expression he was wearing. “And about that, it was really nothing, I just wanted to see you.” Donghyuck bit his lower lip to prevent himself from saying something stupid. He has to leave now.

As Donghyuck reached for the doorknob, he waited for Mark to at least bid his goodbye but he didn’t hear anything so the ‘see-you-tomorrow’ that Donghyuck always says before they parted ways was excused for the day. Or who knows, maybe that’ll be restrained for a while too.

He stared at the sky, which has now become eerily dark, and smiled when he realized how similar the weather was to what he feels now. As Mark’s wretched expression flashed before his eyes, he let his shoulders slouch, feeling ten times heavier. “Why is it, that every time I remember your stupid face…all I feel and see is sadness?”

✿ ❀ ✿

After the ‘A-stranger-part-of-Donghyuck-has-awoken’ day, as Mark called it, they never met at their usual meet up which is the bus stop. He also lost contact with his best friend, hasn’t seen him in school, or even in their house. He was beginning to feel the loneliness attacking his insides and it wasn’t really an unfamiliar feeling since he’s used to being alone. But that’s also why he met Donghyuck and now that they’re back to zero, he couldn’t care less.

It was yet another gloomy Sunday, he’s lying on his bed while waiting for the perfect time to leave. When he saw the clock, it was almost six in the evening. He sighed for the fifth time now, pulling himself out of his bed and forcing his feet to walk in the hallway which by the way felt really long or maybe it was just him. “Mom, I’m going out for a walk. No need to wait for me, I’ll be coming home late so eat dinner without me, okay? Bye!” He left the house without waiting for his mom to respond and plugged in his earphones, walking faster than his normal pace.

He looked down at his watch and saw it was already six-thirty, he's been walking for thirty minutes and felt quite proud of himself as he’s finally able to endure walking that long. But, that’s not the point though, since he’s also running late and he has to hurry or his thirty-minute walk will go to waste.

Luckily, he got to where he’s heading just before they close it for the day. An open space Ramen house, it's a famous tourist spot around the city. Mark’s been eating at the house ever since they moved in and he hasn’t missed a single Sunday, he always makes sure he’s on time for one sole reason. “Hey, kiddo! It’s been a while, you here for your regular again?” A middle-aged man greeted him with a genuine smile, giving the same expression, Mark chuckled and put his belt bag at the chair beside him. “’Sup, Kel! And yeah, the usual for me.” The man just grinned at him, turning his attention to his kitchen again.

During Sunday nights, the house is always almost empty, only the clacking of the kitchen utensils and the smell of different broths filled the house, but what made Mark swear to himself that he’s going to keep on visiting this place was because of Kel and his staff. Just hearing them laugh and simply enjoy what they’re doing, it was a sight to see for Mark. All are from South Korea except for Kel. The man once said that he didn’t like it when he left Japan, but he kind of expected it to happen because he couldn’t let go of Yeonghon, his wife.

“So, what have you been up to these past few days? Is Donghyuck still hiding from you? Last Sunday he wasn’t with you, too.” Kel continued on working as he talked to Mark, who was watching the man with careful eyes, “Oh, you know, he’s just not in the mood for it, and besides, he’s not letting me reach him so I guess he doesn’t want to see me or simply talk to anyone right now.” Mark felt so bitter as he talked about his best friend.

“Must’ve been hard for him, huh?” Kei heaved a sigh and Mark slowly nodded as a response, “Well, aren’t you going to pursue him, though? It’s not good to let it all be and accept him when he’s come to his senses, it’ll look like you didn’t really need him.” Mark bit his lip and gulped, of course, he already knew that but he’s just scared with the thought of actually seeing Donghyuck rejecting his help.

He was fifteen years old when he met the fourteen-year-old Donghyuck at the park near the school, and it was rather odd because Donghyuck was all smiles although they just met and Mark saw him as an airhead instead of a kid who’s simply always happy. In some ways though, Mark liked Donghyuck’s jolly personality, because unlike his dull and isolated self, Hyuck emits so much positive energy out of him that Mark has grown to love and just let the boy carry emotions out of him that he never once thought he could feel. Mark had liked Donghyuck’s presence every now and then. So much that sometimes when the boy leaves, it sends a pang in Mark’s heart.

As Kel started serving him his order, he couldn’t help but ask the man, “Say, Kel...” he hesitated for a bit but continued, “Do you think there’s a possibility for him to return my feelings?” Mark had liked Donghyuck for  _ years _ , for Christ sake, there were no days where he didn’t think about the tan-skinned boy, with his eyes that had Mark feeling like he was always drowning, captured by the sounds Donghyuck makes in any given situation, and every time he thinks of him, he always makes sure he’s carving all of his features in his mind, from expressions to his moles that scattered in every part of his body.

“You see, young man, I’m just a simple man, and I can tell he already has his heart set onto you.” Mark looked at him, mouth opening and then closing again since he figured his words weren’t important enough at the moment, he needed time to think about what Kel said. It’s not something that he has to act on easily. So, he started munching his food, slowly sinking in the taste of the broth while thoughts of Donghyuck came flooding into his currently feeble mind.

Mark felt shivers run down his spine when the weather suddenly seeped through his skin like thousands of sharp crystal ice, it was getting cold and it hadn't been long when he finished his ramen but he could already feel his body temperature dropping like crazy. Nonetheless, he kind of liked how even the weather matches his mood strongly so.

“Kel, I have to head out. I still have to go somewhere so thank you so much for the delicious meal!” As Mark reached for his bag, he heard Kel chuckle. “Out for stargazing as usual, huh? You really have to do something about that, might end up marrying the stars instead.” Kel shook his head and proceeded on wiping the kitchen stove, leaving Mark open-mouthed again. Laughing it off, “There’s no way, because just as you said, Mr. Takahashi,” he stopped to point at himself, “This man already has his heart set onto the same guy from five years ago.” But, for some reason, he liked the idea that Kei gave him, he could give Hyuck a star and name it after him. Besides, the stars reminded him of Donghyuck so much that it wouldn’t hurt to get all selfish and steal one for him if he could.

He was all alone at the park and all he could hear was the rustling of fallen leaves, the wind giving off a pleasant feeling, and the stars adding spice to Mark’s tedious Sunday. Finally, he let his thoughts wander towards the look of Donghyuck’s last seen stance from weeks ago. He was sure the melanin boy didn’t want him to see a rather weak side of him, he also anticipated the silent treatment he’s currently giving to him because he didn’t receive any “see you tomorrow” that night. Three words but enough for them to feel reassured that they’re still intact, still driven by the thought of having each other’s back. But, Mark guessed Donghyuck didn’t need any of that for now, or never again, he doesn’t know.

He was too preoccupied with the sound coming from his earphones and the stars that glowed a bit too bright than he expected on this cold night that he didn’t notice someone took advantage of the space just a few inches beside him, he’s lying down on one of the double slides, his arms on either side of his head and hands buried on it as if his care in the world has far withered except his overflowing thoughts of Donghyuck and Donghyuck only.

As he continued staring up the sky, he felt a finger poking at his side and just like that, he turned his head towards the presence and when he saw those curls that almost looked and smelt like cinnamon, he already felt like he’s being towered and it’s making him feel oh so vulnerable but, he still remained calm. After all, it was the first time Donghyuck took the initiative to talk to him but Mark still has his doubts, maybe he didn’t come here for the sole purpose of conversing but really, Mark has no idea.

So, he reached for his phone to pause the song and returned to his pose just seconds ago, “I wasn’t expecting any company today, perhaps this is a dream.” Mark made sure his words are decipherable enough for Donghyuck to know he was trying to lessen the rising uneasiness between them and thankfully, Hyuck knows him enough to answer.

“I’m a little sad that you never thought of me as someone who would take actions first.” Mark heard Donghyuck’s laugh and he died a little, he missed that voice that sounded like his words were dripping slowly out of his mouth, so very honey-like.

He chuckled, “Well, you be the judge of everything, I don’t mind it. Come back to me anytime you want, I’ll be here.” Mark didn’t know why but he felt like it was the right time for them to confront everything that’s been going on between them. But, he’s still hesitant on whether to turn his attention on the boy or just continue on staring at the sky. He’s blaming Donghyuck’s honest eyes for that.

Minutes passed and Mark was starting to regret opening it again because Donghyuck hasn’t spoken a word during those torturous minutes but then, “Do you…do you think I’d be coming back if I were to leave again?” And that left Mark feeling low, so  _ fucking _ sappy and disturbed because what if Donghyuck meant that? He feels so betrayed by his feelings because right now, he wants to vent out so bad, to say things he would probably regret after. But, he promised himself to stay sane as much as possible, for his and Hyuck’s sake, he will.

“Why wouldn’t I think that way? I know you would, I’m too good for you to lose, admit it or not.” Mark tried masking the feeling that seems to be rejecting all his emotions by making up a joke, which turned out so bad he thought it wouldn’t do him any good.

“Yeah, you’re right about that, Mark. You’re too good to lose but the more reason I should let you go.” And with that, Mark sat up and  _ finally _ , finally looked at the brown-haired boy, he’s still gorgeous despite the wind hitting his face. In fact, he wasn’t just gorgeous but stupidly pretty enough to make Mark swoon all over again and almost forgot what to say.

“Woah there Hyuck, I really don’t like where this is going. Out of all the days we have in a week, why does it have to be today?”

“Is that really all you got? C’mon I know you’re better than that, Mark Lee.” Donghyuck tilted his head and put both of his hands on his knees, smiling devilishly, and yet Mark still found it cute.

“Look, I came here for a reason you probably know of so I think you’re smart enough to cut this shit out and explain all of this to me.” Mark tried, really tried to sound as casual as he can because it’s the only way he can tame Donghyuck’s sometimes unpredictable nature.

Finally, he saw Donghyuck’s shoulder slouching down and his expression changing so swiftly. “I-“ He paused, pursed his lips, and let out the biggest sigh before continuing, “The reason I came here today is that I want to apologize for acting childishly up until now.”

Mark bit his lip, hearing those words sent him back to those times when Donghyuck chose to deal with things by himself, it was an answer that Mark expected to come out of his best friend’s mouth before the disaster, it was always like this, Donghyuck would try to beat around the bush first before breaking down and showing what he’s truly feeling. It was a very comical act of him that Mark eventually grew fond of. “After all of your dumb stunts, I think I’m already past the limit of forgiving you right away.” Mark wanted to at least draw Donghyuck out and lash his true feelings so he tried sounding very hurt, which he doesn’t think would work for Donghyuck.

But, he is sure as hell received the sappiest smile from Donghyuck. “Well, actually I can’t really blame you for that.” He stopped to look at Mark as if he was going to play his highest card for the night and oh was Mark ready for it. “You know what? I hate you. Right now, I’m hating you so bad you wouldn’t think of me as the Donghyuck you met five years ago…But, here the  _ fuck _ I am now, still hoping there would be some kind of deeper connection between us. I hate how you still listen to me after all the dramatic shit I pulled up until now and then after that, you’ll act like it was nothing for you, like comforting me, and spending the night with me is the least thing you could do for my depressed ass.”

Mark kept a straight face and continued on staring at Donghyuck who was now standing up, looking all defensive and guarded, voice sounding almost broken and eyes closed as if facing Mark was the most embarrassing thing for him. Despite his best friend looking like this, Mark still felt happy that he’s finally speaking up, call him sadistic or whatever but he’s still going to remember this very moment till the day he dies. “I also can’t stand how you have the guts to invite me to those parties and  _ this _ …” Donghyuck finally opened his eyes, pointing a finger down the dirt of the earth, like he was cursing at it, “This shit that you always do  _ every fucking _ Sunday, making sure I’m keeping you company and making sure I’m eating with you. If I didn’t know you screwed a girl in high school I wouldn’t hesitate for a single second to think that you’re gay for me.”

Mark was about to stand up when he heard Donghyuck sniffing but the latter was quick to stop him like he already knew Mark would come to him. Donghyuck’s head was lowered down so Mark couldn’t see what kind of expression the boy was making, but he’s glad because if he ever sees him in  _ that _ state, he might call it a day. “But, you know what I hate the most about what you do or say? It’s that every day, even if I’m the worst person you ever met, you’re still good to me. So good that I don’t think I deserve you at all. Even as my best friend. It makes me feel so bad that you ended up being stuck with me.”

Mark felt like exploding, he already knew how Donghyuck felt but this? It was so heartbreaking because he wants to say he feels just the same as him. “But, I hate myself for being happy about that. Hell, I don’t think I could undo this feeling so I’m going to say this and you better listen to me.” Mark wants to cry and laugh at the same time because he can’t believe he fell for a guy that’s so perfect he could die.

“It has been five years ever since the day I met you, and my feelings never seem to waver. I’m so done with you making me fall every  _ fucking _ day. I hate you too for making me love you this hard to the point where I can’t breathe anymore. Dammit, I love you so much I could descend from heaven right now, I don’t even know if I’m going to heaven since it almost felt like a sin when the days of me pining for you was so strong and until now it still is.”

Mark finally stood up but he isn’t going to take a step closer to Donghyuck, no, he’s going to let him cry until he can finally look back up at him again. After all, established or not, he knows Donghyuck is not going to run away anymore. For there’s no reason to, now that they have gone past the line of being best friends.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this idk what this is honestly xD. i might continue this but who knows, lets just see. leave kudos or comments and I'll cherish you for the rest of my introverted life <3333


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